Third World Pants
I am currently wearing what must be the most poorly made pair of jeans in the United States. These are third world jeans, that's what they are. Let me give you a little background on these jeans. The tag says they are the same size and length as the rest of my jeans, which all fit normally. However, although reading as a 34 waist, these babies have to be at least a 38 if not 40. I put a belt on and have to cope with so much excess fabric that I have to fold bunches within bigger bunches.
Which leads to my next point. The belt loops on these pants are so few and far between they're practically worthless. There are exactly five belt loops. Two right up front, two more at about two o'clock and ten o'clock respectively (if my front was noon). Then finally, one lonely loop way in the back which is really where you need the loops. With all that excess fabric and such a small number of belt loops, no matter how tight I pull the belt, the only thing being held up is the loops. The rest of the pants slowly work their way down and all day I have to hike my pants up like some kind of weirdo.
Another fine feature of these pants is the crotch. Now you want some extra room down there, but this is ridiculous. When I'm wearing these pants I look like the "after" picture in a weight loss commercial. "Can you believe I used to be this size!" I could fit a fair number of encyclopedias, I'm thinking A-F, and still be comfortable. The crotch is ridiculous. I have to pull these pants way above my belly button just to have the bottom of the crotch in the proper place. If I put the waist of these pants on my actual waist (where any normal pair of pants rests) the bottom of this crotch rests just slightly above my knees. Which makes it hard to walk.
Oh and the length. The tag states they are 34/34. I have to ask, 34 what? Lunar units? These pants are obviously not designed for earth people. They are ridiculously long. The extra length fabric hangs on top of my shoes like a pair of denim leg warmers.
Huge crotch, extra long, extra wide, and minimal belt loops all in a pair of 34/34 jeans. These are Depression era pants. These are hand-me-down Depression era pants. It must have been the first day on the job for the guy who made these. Maybe he grew up on the metric system and has no idea how big an inch is. I don't know. These pants suck, and yet I continue to wear to them.
Which leads to my next point. The belt loops on these pants are so few and far between they're practically worthless. There are exactly five belt loops. Two right up front, two more at about two o'clock and ten o'clock respectively (if my front was noon). Then finally, one lonely loop way in the back which is really where you need the loops. With all that excess fabric and such a small number of belt loops, no matter how tight I pull the belt, the only thing being held up is the loops. The rest of the pants slowly work their way down and all day I have to hike my pants up like some kind of weirdo.
Another fine feature of these pants is the crotch. Now you want some extra room down there, but this is ridiculous. When I'm wearing these pants I look like the "after" picture in a weight loss commercial. "Can you believe I used to be this size!" I could fit a fair number of encyclopedias, I'm thinking A-F, and still be comfortable. The crotch is ridiculous. I have to pull these pants way above my belly button just to have the bottom of the crotch in the proper place. If I put the waist of these pants on my actual waist (where any normal pair of pants rests) the bottom of this crotch rests just slightly above my knees. Which makes it hard to walk.
Oh and the length. The tag states they are 34/34. I have to ask, 34 what? Lunar units? These pants are obviously not designed for earth people. They are ridiculously long. The extra length fabric hangs on top of my shoes like a pair of denim leg warmers.
Huge crotch, extra long, extra wide, and minimal belt loops all in a pair of 34/34 jeans. These are Depression era pants. These are hand-me-down Depression era pants. It must have been the first day on the job for the guy who made these. Maybe he grew up on the metric system and has no idea how big an inch is. I don't know. These pants suck, and yet I continue to wear to them.
posted by Mike at 5:37 PM
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